How hard can it be?

Well it's that time a year again. Valentines days is just a few short weeks away. Hubby has been sniffing around to figure out what I want. Many men have said "Women are so complicated to buy for we never know what they are wanting". REALLY?!?! Buying for a woman is pretty simple. I believe men over complicate it by over thinking it. I am going to do all men a favor and break it down VERY simplistic for you.

There are different phases in a girls life where she does want different things.

Early 20's:
Flowers
Diamonds
Chocolates
Ridiculously lame mushy love notes
Fancy dinner
*Warning, all of the items above must be a part of ONE night and it needs to be BIG*

Mid 20's:
Flowers
Chocolates
Dinner and Drinks
A cute card you put thought into
*You can get away with a single rose with heart shaped chocolate mix where she will only eat about 2 of them and have taken only one bite out of the others then realize she can't stand them*

Mothers (no age group because all moms are unanimous about this):
A Bath ALONE
Time to shave their legs ALONE
Take a shit ALONE
Not have to wipe another persons ass
Dinner (we don't care if we have to cook it but we would like to cook it ALONE!)
To eat chocolate ALONE (we are tired of sharing ALL of our shit!)
*Can you see the trend here? ALONE!*

I don't know what women that have grown children that have moved out. I haven't reached that miraculous point in life! Just kidding, I will probably move in with my kids a month after they moved out. Be the ass hole to them that they were to me growing up. I will save the details for another post.

Make sure all the men in your lives see this so they know how to get it right this year!

Why Am I Sticky

This is not what I signed up for!

When parents have babies they are overwhelmed with being with them. Constantly wanting to hold and never separate. For you new moms that are still in that stage, it wears off really quick! As parents we want them to talk then walk. Once they are doing that you just want them to sit still and shut the heck up!

Once all that happens you think "Oh kindergarten is right around the corner! I will get 7-8 hours of solid silence!" You get it too! Yeah we miss the little shits come Friday. Then we get to spend 1 1/2 glorious days with them. I say 1 1/2 because by Sunday evening you are wanting them back in school.

The schools turn against us as well. They make "breaks" for kids. Summer break, fall break, winter break, spring break, and they through in some damn ass holidays in there. This is not what I signed up for!

We just got done with winter break where I was forced to entertain my 3 children for 2 whole weeks! I let that one slide because its Christmas and shit, but they followed it up with a 4 day weekend! Now we need to have a sit down. 2 extra days of children whining about NOTHING to do! Well guess what? My back yard needs to be cleaned. My dishes need to be washed. My laundry needs to be switched and folded. That is going to be the new rule in my house. If one of my children complain that they are "bored" or "have nothing to do" I will find some cleaning for them to do. Sounds legit right? Either I will eventually have a spotless house or my children will stop complaining!

HALLELUJAH!!!!

How did I never think of this before?!?! I'm all for school "breaks" now!!! I want a clean house! Well 

I could always clean it myself, but come on lets get serious! I guess school won't be as annoying as before! Hell, I might even enjoy the little turd nuggets for a couple extra days!

Why Am I Sticky

 

Breast or Not to Breast....

Hello moms. You know what realization I came to 3 years into becoming a mother 8 years ago? Motherhood (ok fine even fatherhood) is the only job that does not come with a manual? No training courses. No "how to" section. Well the last one there kind of is, but that does not cover everyone. You can always ask for peoples advice, but you will get a different answer from everyone. Want to know why? BECAUSE WE ALL ARE DIFFERENT! And that's ok.

The past week I saw a video circulating Facebook. This video struck such a nerve for me that I wanted to write about it. The video was Alyssa Milano's interview with Wendy Williams. Alyssa is such an amazing advocate for breastfeeding mamas. She does not care where she is or who she is around, the need of her child is more important than anyone's feelings about it. If you haven't watched it the link is below.

https://youtu.be/WuSyBxzEjA0

Your nose is made to breathe and hinder particles from getting into your body. Your vagina is made to deliver babies. Mens penises are made to procreate. Each body part has a purpose! What makes breast so taboo that we cannot use them for what they are made for? People will argue that breasts are sexual and that its inappropriate for it to be shown in public. OMG! How did I not know this? I am SOOOO glad that no one ever shows their boobs, hell not even side boob since that is normally how much breast is shown during breastfeeding. Everyone follows that rule right?

I'm glad we see absolutely NO boob because how horrible would that be?

I wrong move JLO and you will be ridiculed by EVERYONE!

If breasts are only sexual, is Miley having sex with everyone watching her?

Some will say the pictures above are from awards shows or movie premieres what kids will see that? We worry about the kids seeing BREASTS! Oh you are right kids probably won't watch this.

But how about regular tv?

Lovely Kate Upton on a Carls Jr Commercial...they will air it any time they want

Even just showing this so far some will say "HEY NOW! When you are breast feeding you can potentially see a nipple!" Ummm well if you want to go that far dipshit, the only time you MIGHT see a nipple is if the baby unexpectedly pulls off during the nursing session. Ok so you are saying nipples are bad? Ok, I get it. No nipples....but wait...I am confused....

What is in place of this mans nipples? 

Yes an inexperienced mother may show a nip here and there when latching and unlatching the baby. But it is such a short thing that unless YOU are STARING are her nipples, which lets be honest you would be the creep then not her, you wouldn't even notice.

What do you see that is wrong with this picture? Nothing right? It is purely beautiful!

This awesome mommies doesn't even have a shirt on, I can't see nipple can you? NOPE! Just happy full baby!

Even with larger breast women you can't see a whole lot! Wait...I stand corrected...I see a whole lot of love and connection going on here

 

 

Don't believe the myth you can't have skin to skin or nurse your baby if you have a C-Section...this mama definitely rocked it!

Lets play out this scenario for you haters. Imagine you are flying somewhere, and there is a new mom on the plane but since obviously breast feeding is so "UNNATURAL" (f*cking ridiculous) the baby is crying and crying and crying! Would you rather hear THAT or see THIS?

Baby and passengers are happy. 

You would not even know this was happening unless you were looking for it. The only problem with breast feeding is people who do not support breast feeding.

So lets recap with these two pictures:

 

I want to end with this last thought. It does not go out to the people that hate breast feeders in public, it goes out to SOME  breast feeding mamas. Just because you see someone NOT breast feeding their child does not mean they do not care about the health of their child. It does NOT mean they gave up. It does NOT mean they are selfish. Think about this, was the mother too sick to nurse? Did the mother beat herself up horribly because she couldn't make any milk? Was this child adopted?

This little one was adopted and couldn't be nursed because of the state of the biological mother.

No mom knows the story behind another mom. We need to support each other even if we do things differently.

STOP JUDGING! 

I LOVE ALL YOU MAMAS! I know my posts are more humorous than this one, but it is something I feel strongly about. Thank you to all the amazing mommies that shared their pictures and stories with me! You are helping spread the world of acceptance and love! 

Why Am I Sticky 

What was I thinking?!?!

I do not know if I was drinking, smoking, or having a mini stroke but I decided I wanted to take the kids on a trip up north to Flagstaff so they could see snow. "It is going to be great!", "The kids will love it", and "We will get major parent kudos" I tell my husband. All of it was true! Our kids loved it and had a blast! I did leave one thing out when telling my husband what will come from this 1 day vacation. I did not tell him we would want to kill all 3 children AND each other by the time we got home. I did not tell him that we will have probably curse at each other and call each other names because we cannot say it to the ones we want to, our children.

30 minutes into the road trip kids are driving us crazy=he's a dick 

Annoying him is what I do best

You know those moments you want to tell your 11 year old son that "Your acting like your damn vagina is bigger than mine and you need to man the fuck up!" but you say it to your husband because you do not want to traumatize your child. You know your husband is as fucked up as he's going to get so you don't care what you say to him.

Once you get to your destination is usually when things lighten up. This is NOT the case when the place you visit is 20 degrees colder than what you are use to. When you have to wear clothes like you are visiting Alaska, you are FUCKED!

We are smiling because the kids are off with Grandma and Papa for 2 minutes

We were done in the snow and thought "YES! They ran and played like crazy when we get to the hotel they will pass the F out!" NOPE! They were hyped to be sleeping in an effing hotel room! WTF? As soon as I yell at one to stop doing something the other one does it. "Are you effing deaf?! What did I just tell your brother?" I said this like 5 times with in 20 minutes. This is all happening as my husband is passing out to the NyQuil he just took (asshole). Tava couldn't figure out where she wanted to sleep, with us? The floor? With us? The tub? I am now regretting not packing the damn Benadryl.

Finally the next morning comes so we can go home. Everyone is so excited. When I say everyone I mean us adults! We are all smiles and know we now have things to hold over our childrens heads when they decide to be little douche bags. "Oh you want to throw a fit because we are not going out to dinner? Do you remember when we took you to Flagstaff and let you do this and that and this? REMEMBER THAT? HUH? BECAUSE I REMEMBER!!!" Oh yes...we have about a good 3 months of throwing this in their faces.

As you can what this ONE day vacation did to my father!

Here are a few from the actual fun times :)