Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Monday, May 16, 2016
What the? How the? Why the?
What the? How the? Why the?
Were these questions you had during your pregnancy? Labor? Postpartum?
As new moms you are going to experience so many things that NO one warns you about! Well yeah you hear about the normal stuff. The none scary stuff like insomnia, weight gain, pain during labor, epidural, hormones, and maybe even heart burn. I am going to do you all the favor of listing all the things the doesn't get published in "What to Expect" books!
1) Gas- Oh man the gas is so bad! I know everyone gets gas, but we are usually able to clench it until we are in private or with people we don't care to pass it in front of. When pregnant? NOPE! You don't even know it is coming until BAM! Right in front of your mother in law who criticizes the way you BREATHE!
2) Discharge- When you are pregnant I swear it pushes everything out of you to make room for that growing human inside of you. Before we'd be like "oh I might need a panty liner today". A panty liner wont save you! I suggest grabbing a pair of depends and sporting those bad boys! You know that joy of no period for 9 months? Well I'd keep stocking up on those pads you thought you wouldn't need to buy!
3) Grandma Panties- Cute thongs? Booty shorts? NOPE! You leave the hospital with the worlds largest pad and net panties to absorb the damn ocean! You can't wear tampons and a normal pad wont cut it! So before that pooping machine pops out of you go buy those underwear you swore of once you hit puberty!
4) Poop- Speaking of poop machines, you WILL poop during delivery. Ok if you get a C-Section you won't (or at least I hope you don't)! People will lie to you and say "NO! You didn't poop it was beautiful!" They are fucking liars! Do not listen to these people. Know going in you are going to poop. Its ok, you can't see it and your doctor isn't going to think less of you. Be happy you pooped because the first poop after having a baby is the scariest, especially if you had to get stitches! EEK!
5) Peeing- This applies to during pregnancy and after. People say if you do kegels that it'll help! Nope! This is coming from a mom who is a master at kegels, and I still pee'd my pants when i thought I could jump with my kids at an indoor trampoline place! If you are currently pregnant, hold in every cough or sneeze you have once you hit the second trimester! Or place a pad there for safety precautions!
6) Breastfeeding- IT IS HARD! It is so very hard to get the grasp on it. Do not go into trying to nurse if you aren't willing to put in the work. Know this, IF you decide you WANT to nurse, its going to take time. This is new to your little poop machine as well. Seek out help. Support groups or lactation specialists. There are people there to help because they want you to succeed. Eventually you will get to a point where you are like "WOW! So simple and easy! Why did I have so much trouble in the beginning?" Trust your gut!
These are the 6 things I always tell my new mom friends. They suck! But hey, at least you know you aren't there alone and we all are facing it! Embrace it, you can use it as black mail when your kids start being assholes!
Were these questions you had during your pregnancy? Labor? Postpartum?
As new moms you are going to experience so many things that NO one warns you about! Well yeah you hear about the normal stuff. The none scary stuff like insomnia, weight gain, pain during labor, epidural, hormones, and maybe even heart burn. I am going to do you all the favor of listing all the things the doesn't get published in "What to Expect" books!
1) Gas- Oh man the gas is so bad! I know everyone gets gas, but we are usually able to clench it until we are in private or with people we don't care to pass it in front of. When pregnant? NOPE! You don't even know it is coming until BAM! Right in front of your mother in law who criticizes the way you BREATHE!
2) Discharge- When you are pregnant I swear it pushes everything out of you to make room for that growing human inside of you. Before we'd be like "oh I might need a panty liner today". A panty liner wont save you! I suggest grabbing a pair of depends and sporting those bad boys! You know that joy of no period for 9 months? Well I'd keep stocking up on those pads you thought you wouldn't need to buy!
3) Grandma Panties- Cute thongs? Booty shorts? NOPE! You leave the hospital with the worlds largest pad and net panties to absorb the damn ocean! You can't wear tampons and a normal pad wont cut it! So before that pooping machine pops out of you go buy those underwear you swore of once you hit puberty!
4) Poop- Speaking of poop machines, you WILL poop during delivery. Ok if you get a C-Section you won't (or at least I hope you don't)! People will lie to you and say "NO! You didn't poop it was beautiful!" They are fucking liars! Do not listen to these people. Know going in you are going to poop. Its ok, you can't see it and your doctor isn't going to think less of you. Be happy you pooped because the first poop after having a baby is the scariest, especially if you had to get stitches! EEK!
5) Peeing- This applies to during pregnancy and after. People say if you do kegels that it'll help! Nope! This is coming from a mom who is a master at kegels, and I still pee'd my pants when i thought I could jump with my kids at an indoor trampoline place! If you are currently pregnant, hold in every cough or sneeze you have once you hit the second trimester! Or place a pad there for safety precautions!
6) Breastfeeding- IT IS HARD! It is so very hard to get the grasp on it. Do not go into trying to nurse if you aren't willing to put in the work. Know this, IF you decide you WANT to nurse, its going to take time. This is new to your little poop machine as well. Seek out help. Support groups or lactation specialists. There are people there to help because they want you to succeed. Eventually you will get to a point where you are like "WOW! So simple and easy! Why did I have so much trouble in the beginning?" Trust your gut!
These are the 6 things I always tell my new mom friends. They suck! But hey, at least you know you aren't there alone and we all are facing it! Embrace it, you can use it as black mail when your kids start being assholes!
Why Am I Sticky
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Oh thanks, its beautiful!!! (That's a lie)
It is that time of year again! MOTHERS DAY! The day where we are suppose to be worshiped for all the living saving acts we do all year. Yes, if your children are still alive you have saved their life from you numerous times!
Dads don't always get what moms want for mothers day. They think a cute card and breakfast in bed is amazing! Then the rest of the day goes on like any other day. Cleaning, parenting, referring, and decision making.
NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!
We don't want any responsibilities that day! Basically we do not want to MOM that day! So I thought I would make a list for the gift giving impaired husbands out there!
1) SLEEP!
2) Time ALONE! This does not meant her in the bedroom with children screaming throughout the house!
3) Massage- if done by you don't make it turn to sex (well right away) and make it last more than 5 seconds
4) Spa time
5) Mani/Pedi
6) Cleaned house done by anyone but her
7) All the non good for you food
8) Forget the diamonds get me something that is going to help with my day to day responsibilities
9) To be able to shave whatever we NEED to shave without any one entering the bathroom not even ONCE!
10) Last but NOT least- Shit and Piss in PRIVATE! No audience please!!!
I promise if you get your lovely wife one of these 10 items you will sure to make it a great day for her!!!!
Dads don't always get what moms want for mothers day. They think a cute card and breakfast in bed is amazing! Then the rest of the day goes on like any other day. Cleaning, parenting, referring, and decision making.
NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!
We don't want any responsibilities that day! Basically we do not want to MOM that day! So I thought I would make a list for the gift giving impaired husbands out there!
1) SLEEP!
2) Time ALONE! This does not meant her in the bedroom with children screaming throughout the house!
3) Massage- if done by you don't make it turn to sex (well right away) and make it last more than 5 seconds
4) Spa time
5) Mani/Pedi
6) Cleaned house done by anyone but her
7) All the non good for you food
8) Forget the diamonds get me something that is going to help with my day to day responsibilities
9) To be able to shave whatever we NEED to shave without any one entering the bathroom not even ONCE!
10) Last but NOT least- Shit and Piss in PRIVATE! No audience please!!!
I promise if you get your lovely wife one of these 10 items you will sure to make it a great day for her!!!!
Why Am I Sticky
Thursday, April 7, 2016
He Said Whaaaaaa?????
Do you have an asshole child? You do? Of course you do! We all have asshole children. Let me clarify, they aren't assholes ALL the time just most of the time and there is NO denying it. Just rest and have some peace that your asshole child is not as much of an asshole as my assholiest (yes I made that word up) kid!
I've been debating sharing this because, as you know it makes ME look bad! No really. I LOOK hideous! Well that's according to my kid, my first born, my pride and joy, my F*&KING asshole kid!
We were driving home from school a couple days ago. We are joking around and laughing and having a great mother son moment, or so I thought. We got on the topic of him "beating up" any boy that tries to date his little sister when she gets older. I asked "well what if it was one of your friends?" He said that would make it even worse! This made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy. Super proud of this little man that is so protective! If I knew that was going to be so short lived I would have cherished it longer and just kept my damn mouth shut! I couldn't though. I'm a smart ass. I try my all to make my kids squirm and grossed out. So I opened my mouth....I said it, "Just wait until you have a friend that say "Wow Ashton your mom is HOT!" His response was "Sorry I just cannot think of my mom as HOT it's gross". While I agreed with him that MOM and HOT do NOT belong in the same sentence. Yet, I explained it is perfectly fine to think "my mom is pretty or my mom is beautiful". That there is nothing creepy about it. No one would label him having some bizarre mommy fetish. THANK GOD!
Once I made that clear, I said "Ashton before I was married, I went out with my girlfriends and guys would buy us drinks all the time, I had guys that would approach us all the time". I wasn't prepared for the response he would give. This asshole kid of mine responded with "Well that's only because you have smoking hot friends!" FRIENDS?!?!?! (I want to give a disclaimer that yes, it is true...my friends are smoking HOT!) What mama can't get guys? Hey I got your dad! I got my husband! I got it all on my own MISTER! Of course I didn't say this to him. This was all in my head...I was speechless for a second. My mouth open in aww I turned to just star at him...heart broken, just to see him laughing so hard he can barely breathe! He thought it was the greatest "jab" he had ever given. I knew what I had to do. I do not pull this card very often because I want the effect it has to stay strong.
I cried. No bawling...just a few tears rolling down my cheeks. I wouldn't look at him to avoid laughing (I have a horrible poker face). He doesn't know this. He stopped laughing INSTANTLY! "Mom? You know I was joking right? I didn't mean to really hurt your feelings". I didn't say anything for the rest of the drive home and boy was that hard! The giggles were boiling up!
Moral of this story? A preteen that feels super guilty and bad about saying something mean to his dear mother cleans very well!
I've been debating sharing this because, as you know it makes ME look bad! No really. I LOOK hideous! Well that's according to my kid, my first born, my pride and joy, my F*&KING asshole kid!
We were driving home from school a couple days ago. We are joking around and laughing and having a great mother son moment, or so I thought. We got on the topic of him "beating up" any boy that tries to date his little sister when she gets older. I asked "well what if it was one of your friends?" He said that would make it even worse! This made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy. Super proud of this little man that is so protective! If I knew that was going to be so short lived I would have cherished it longer and just kept my damn mouth shut! I couldn't though. I'm a smart ass. I try my all to make my kids squirm and grossed out. So I opened my mouth....I said it, "Just wait until you have a friend that say "Wow Ashton your mom is HOT!" His response was "Sorry I just cannot think of my mom as HOT it's gross". While I agreed with him that MOM and HOT do NOT belong in the same sentence. Yet, I explained it is perfectly fine to think "my mom is pretty or my mom is beautiful". That there is nothing creepy about it. No one would label him having some bizarre mommy fetish. THANK GOD!
Once I made that clear, I said "Ashton before I was married, I went out with my girlfriends and guys would buy us drinks all the time, I had guys that would approach us all the time". I wasn't prepared for the response he would give. This asshole kid of mine responded with "Well that's only because you have smoking hot friends!" FRIENDS?!?!?! (I want to give a disclaimer that yes, it is true...my friends are smoking HOT!) What mama can't get guys? Hey I got your dad! I got my husband! I got it all on my own MISTER! Of course I didn't say this to him. This was all in my head...I was speechless for a second. My mouth open in aww I turned to just star at him...heart broken, just to see him laughing so hard he can barely breathe! He thought it was the greatest "jab" he had ever given. I knew what I had to do. I do not pull this card very often because I want the effect it has to stay strong.
I cried. No bawling...just a few tears rolling down my cheeks. I wouldn't look at him to avoid laughing (I have a horrible poker face). He doesn't know this. He stopped laughing INSTANTLY! "Mom? You know I was joking right? I didn't mean to really hurt your feelings". I didn't say anything for the rest of the drive home and boy was that hard! The giggles were boiling up!
Moral of this story? A preteen that feels super guilty and bad about saying something mean to his dear mother cleans very well!
Why Am I Sticky
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Well....that's awkward
HELLO!! I have been MIA for a bit and I apologize! Life definitely gets in the way of the things I enjoy sometimes! I will work more diligently to always bring you hilarious shit that happens in my life. Even the awkward moments for myself....like this story.
In our house we are very open. I may have mentioned that in the past. We use vagina, penis, balls and/or testicles whichever is the funniest for the moment. Even with being that open, mom still has moments where she just doesn't want to hear what comes out of her pre pubescent son.
I thought talking about sex with my kids was going to be the most awkward conversation I would have with my children. It seemed to make my oldest more awkward than myself. I should have known payback was right around the corner. The crazy thing is, I did the paying back! Is that even a correct saying?
Ok so my son hasn't had new underwear in awhile, well because he's 11 and I am not inspecting the fit of his under pants any longer. I feel that is something he will need to advise of. Well when doing laundry a few weeks back I noticed that his underwear was a size 10 IN KIDS! Here is the thing, I had a break down last August when buying him school clothes. I had to buy him pants in the mens section. YUP! My 11 year old is in a 29/29 for men! So when I saw that he was still squeezing his 29/29 mans ass into a size 10 kids boxer briefs I thought this just cannot be right.
The next time he was home from his dads I asked him about it, he said they still fit fine. I of course don't believe they are fitting him the proper way and damnit I want grandchildren in the future. I told him to take of his pants (horrible to say...just horrible) that I needed to see how they were fitting him. After a melt down (from both of us) he reluctantly pulled his pants down.
YES! I knew it! I was right! Not that I am happy his shit was being squeezed to death, but that I was right....those moments are very few and far between but THIS time I had the proof.
So after humiliating him I decided I would run up to the store to buy him the proper fit of underwear. This my friends....THIS is where my payback begins!
I am looking at all these types of underwear. I know he want's boxer briefs. Simple right? Not for me! I start looking at all the patterns. Well what if he doesn't like this color? Should he have a pattern on them? Should I get a variety of colors so they match his clothes? Is he doing to look stupid in this color/pattern? FUCK! I just realized I was analyzing this as if he was going to be seen in his underwear. Who is going to see my son in his underwear? Bitches better not be seeing him in his underwear! He's too young for that shit!
I call my husband in a panic about my son growing up and how I don't want "bitches" seeing him in his underwear. My lovely husband is trying to cover his laughing and with jokes. "Oh hunny girls wont see him in underwear until next year"! Yup I terminated that call ASAP!
Moral of the story? Buy your kids the most hideous color underwear! It will definitely make you feel better!
In our house we are very open. I may have mentioned that in the past. We use vagina, penis, balls and/or testicles whichever is the funniest for the moment. Even with being that open, mom still has moments where she just doesn't want to hear what comes out of her pre pubescent son.
I thought talking about sex with my kids was going to be the most awkward conversation I would have with my children. It seemed to make my oldest more awkward than myself. I should have known payback was right around the corner. The crazy thing is, I did the paying back! Is that even a correct saying?
Ok so my son hasn't had new underwear in awhile, well because he's 11 and I am not inspecting the fit of his under pants any longer. I feel that is something he will need to advise of. Well when doing laundry a few weeks back I noticed that his underwear was a size 10 IN KIDS! Here is the thing, I had a break down last August when buying him school clothes. I had to buy him pants in the mens section. YUP! My 11 year old is in a 29/29 for men! So when I saw that he was still squeezing his 29/29 mans ass into a size 10 kids boxer briefs I thought this just cannot be right.
The next time he was home from his dads I asked him about it, he said they still fit fine. I of course don't believe they are fitting him the proper way and damnit I want grandchildren in the future. I told him to take of his pants (horrible to say...just horrible) that I needed to see how they were fitting him. After a melt down (from both of us) he reluctantly pulled his pants down.
YES! I knew it! I was right! Not that I am happy his shit was being squeezed to death, but that I was right....those moments are very few and far between but THIS time I had the proof.
So after humiliating him I decided I would run up to the store to buy him the proper fit of underwear. This my friends....THIS is where my payback begins!
I am looking at all these types of underwear. I know he want's boxer briefs. Simple right? Not for me! I start looking at all the patterns. Well what if he doesn't like this color? Should he have a pattern on them? Should I get a variety of colors so they match his clothes? Is he doing to look stupid in this color/pattern? FUCK! I just realized I was analyzing this as if he was going to be seen in his underwear. Who is going to see my son in his underwear? Bitches better not be seeing him in his underwear! He's too young for that shit!
I call my husband in a panic about my son growing up and how I don't want "bitches" seeing him in his underwear. My lovely husband is trying to cover his laughing and with jokes. "Oh hunny girls wont see him in underwear until next year"! Yup I terminated that call ASAP!
Moral of the story? Buy your kids the most hideous color underwear! It will definitely make you feel better!
Why Am I Sticky
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Bows and Tutus and Fun....OH MY!
Like most little girls Tava LOVES dress up! She is beyond girly and LOOOOOVES to look like a princess!
Here is some proof!
Tava has been playing in this since she received them! She is as in love as I am!
We worked with the amazing company called The Local HummingBird. They are based out of Flagstaff, Arizona. Well I should say SHE is based there. This amazing mother Nicole makes all tutus and bows! The Local HummingBird was started in April of 2015 and already has over 500 followers!
What I love about this company is the founder wanted to start this company to show her three girls they can do anything if they set their mind to it! Not gonna lie, bitch makes me jealous that she can make such awesome things and I fuck up every Pinterest idea I come across. I am far from the "crafty mom". With having The Local HummingBird I do not feel guilty about it! Well...I digress.
The products are amazing quality and HAND MADE! There are millions of styles to choose from! Ok maybe not MILLIONS but there are TONS!
WhyAmISticky and The Local HummingBird have decided to partner together to bring you guys some awesome stuff!
Do you like what you see above? Do you or someone you know have a little girl that would rock the shit outta these amazing outfits? Would you love to win one? FOR FREE!!! I just caught all moms eyes with that one! If you are wanting to enter to win one for FREE just follow the steps below!
Follow below to enter to win!
1) Like WhyAmISticky's fb page ---> https://www.facebook.com/whyamisticky/?fref=ts
2) Like The Local HummingBirds page ---> https://www.facebook.com/The-Local-Humming-Bird-831561796910252/?fref=ts
3) Share BOTH...I repeat BOTH pages
4) Then message WhyAmISticky's Facebook page stating you have done both
Drawing will be March 1st! So do not wait!! Get to it!
Once all of this is done, we will give you a number. We will use random.org to pick the number. If your number was chosen, we will have The Local HummingBird contact you asking for colors and sizes you would like. You will receive a Tutu AND a Hair Band OR Bow of your choosing.
No number will be submitted until we have seen all requirements made! I am looking forward to seeing all these amazing littles having a blast in their OWN Local HummingBird gear! We both love seeing how happy our business and hobbies make people!
WhyAmISticky
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Mother of the year award goes to.....
Want to know what is to great about being me? I have some pretty awesome friends who have some pretty hilarious shit that happen to them. My friend Tammi shared this story with me and asked to share it with all of you! I know in the moment she was hating herself. Once the horror of the moment is gone, we have to laugh at ourselves! It is the only way we will keep our sanity. Ok, the sanity we have left before having kids. I hope you enjoy this story as much as I did!
I was in the kitchen, toddler at foot, attempting to get dinner – Tommy Bahama Shrimp Tacos – on the table. This is not the scene I imagined back when I was pregnant. I’m not June Clever in a perfectly pressed apron, I’m a mess, fearfully chopping pineapple as my 16 month old princess screams at my feet. Up, up, UUUPPPPPP!!! “No up” I tell her, which only escalates the situation. Sigh. Next step, shrimp. I peel away the butcher paper, only to discover that the butcher has packaged up SHELLED shrimp, not peeled and deveined. FUCK. FUUUUUCKKK. I’m fairly certain he was a bit too focused on my milk jugs to hear my order properly. I probably should have known when the shrimp rang up at $5.49/lb. Of course they’re on sale, because no one, and I mean no one, orders shelled shrimp. Ok, maybe the childless, or Julia Child, but NOT moms. Ok, NOT me. I stand there, contemplating my options. I could toss the offenders, load up the baby, haul her into the store, and stand in line to pay $19.99/lb for peeled and deveined, or I could tackle these bad boys myself. Option #2 won. As I’m elbows-deep in shrimp poo and salmonella, my toddler who has wondered into the living room, is pushing the button on her toy phone over, and over, and over, and over, and over again, so I feel pretty OK with her being out of my line of vision. Until it wasn’t OK. Until my mom-dar set it. Every cell in her body was made from my body, so when she’s in danger I feel it in my bones. Oh shit. My shrimp-poop-hands and I run, towards the stairs, dripping all the way. My teenage daughter (yes, we have a toddler AND a teenager, two teenagers actually – kill me, right? I mean, “We are so blessed”.), my teenager has left the baby gate open. She’d gone up to clean her room, which is teen-talk for take a nap. The baby is halfway up the stairs, mouth full of…something. Something BIG. In our house, it could be anything from socks to cat poop to batteries, or all three. Shit. Shit. Shit. I have to do it. I shove my shrimpy hands into her mouth and fish out what appears to be an obnoxiously large dried mango. Interesting. We haven’t had dried mango in our home for a very long time. Immediately, she demonstrates that she is displeased with the taste of shrimp poop. In the past, we’ve landed ourselves in the hospital over an egg allergy, and have recently discovered that her body also rejects tofu. I’m not taking any chances with raw shellfish. We run back to the kitchen, I soak a towel with water, but she clamps her jaws shut. The only thing I can think to do is run her mouth under the sink. She squirms violently and I’m basically water-logging her. Then it hits me – BREASTMILK – of course, its magic right? It fixes everything, right? I have her gulp down a few ounces of the magic juice before I realize I’m basically forcing her to swallow whatever bits and pieces are in her mouth. Awesome. Just then, the teenager runs down and asks me, “What are you doing to her?” My reply? “CLOSE THE GODDAMN GATE!” Damnit. Mom of the year, right here. At the end of the day, after all has settled, after a call to poison control – yeah, I went there – I realized something. Something very important that will change the course of my motherhood forever. I realized, I’m not in my 20’s and childless anymore, so why the FUCK am I making shrimp for dinner?
Why Am I Sticky
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