I've been debating sharing this because, as you know it makes ME look bad! No really. I LOOK hideous! Well that's according to my kid, my first born, my pride and joy, my F*&KING asshole kid!
We were driving home from school a couple days ago. We are joking around and laughing and having a great mother son moment, or so I thought. We got on the topic of him "beating up" any boy that tries to date his little sister when she gets older. I asked "well what if it was one of your friends?" He said that would make it even worse! This made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy. Super proud of this little man that is so protective! If I knew that was going to be so short lived I would have cherished it longer and just kept my damn mouth shut! I couldn't though. I'm a smart ass. I try my all to make my kids squirm and grossed out. So I opened my mouth....I said it, "Just wait until you have a friend that say "Wow Ashton your mom is HOT!" His response was "Sorry I just cannot think of my mom as HOT it's gross". While I agreed with him that MOM and HOT do NOT belong in the same sentence. Yet, I explained it is perfectly fine to think "my mom is pretty or my mom is beautiful". That there is nothing creepy about it. No one would label him having some bizarre mommy fetish. THANK GOD!
Once I made that clear, I said "Ashton before I was married, I went out with my girlfriends and guys would buy us drinks all the time, I had guys that would approach us all the time". I wasn't prepared for the response he would give. This asshole kid of mine responded with "Well that's only because you have smoking hot friends!" FRIENDS?!?!?! (I want to give a disclaimer that yes, it is true...my friends are smoking HOT!) What mama can't get guys? Hey I got your dad! I got my husband! I got it all on my own MISTER! Of course I didn't say this to him. This was all in my head...I was speechless for a second. My mouth open in aww I turned to just star at him...heart broken, just to see him laughing so hard he can barely breathe! He thought it was the greatest "jab" he had ever given. I knew what I had to do. I do not pull this card very often because I want the effect it has to stay strong.
I cried. No bawling...just a few tears rolling down my cheeks. I wouldn't look at him to avoid laughing (I have a horrible poker face). He doesn't know this. He stopped laughing INSTANTLY! "Mom? You know I was joking right? I didn't mean to really hurt your feelings". I didn't say anything for the rest of the drive home and boy was that hard! The giggles were boiling up!
Moral of this story? A preteen that feels super guilty and bad about saying something mean to his dear mother cleans very well!
Why Am I Sticky
